Boundaries

*A simple study was conducted to discover the effects of a fence around a playground and the consequent impact it would have on preschool children. Teachers were to take their children to a local playground in which there was no fence during their normal recess hour. The kids were to play as normal. The same group was to be taken to a comparable playground in which there was a defined border designated by a fence.
In the first scenario, the children remained huddled around their teacher, fearful of leaving out of her sight. The later scenario exhibited drastically different results, with the children feeling free to explore within the given boundaries.
The overwhelming conclusion was that with a given limitation, children felt safer to explore a playground. Without a fence, the children were not able to see a given boundary or limit and thus were more reluctant to leave the caregiver. With a boundary, in this case the fence, the children felt at ease
to explore the space. They were able to separate from the caregiver and continue to develop in their sense of self while still recognizing that they were in a safe environment within the limits of the fence.
* (above is from an online article)

Imagine a flat Texas prairie with tall wheat shifting in the wind. The hot air rushes past dried Mesquite trees and blows a wisp of hay from a nearby leaning bale. A few black cows are standing in the shade with mosquitoes buzzing around their eyes. The mixed smell of manure and fresh crops fill your nose with a strangely comforting aroma. Now turn your eyes to the fence. It could be a crickety picket fence that is just barely in place. Perhaps it’s an intimidating electrical barbed wire fence. Maybe you see solid wooden posts set securely in position. Any way you see it, it’s made to keep the cows inside and protected from the terrain beyond the fence. These fences seem inconvenient and pointless to the cows because they have no idea what kind of trouble they could get into past the boundary. Perhaps there is nearby raging river rapid or a steep cliff drop-off. Whatever it may be, the point is that the rancher is protecting the cows.

Now, I would never refer any child to an animal, so please don’t read this and compare your precious one to a slobbery cow. I am simply taking some invaluable information and applying it to parenting. You might be surprised at just how much we can learn from these cows. I asked a local Rancher to tell me everything he could about fences, boundaries and cattle behavior. Here are some key points I want to touch on.

“Before I let the cows in the field, I make sure my fence is secure”
Parenting can begin before your child is even conceived. You can begin to determine the standards and principles on how you want your child raised.

“The first thing cows do when placed in a new environment is check the fences.”
The cows literally walk the entire fence line to see exactly what they are up against and how much space they have to move around in. If the cow discovers a weakness or gap in the fence, she would probably go ahead and walk right through it. This is why a lot of ranchers these days have electric fences that send just enough shock and pain to the cow that they remember not to push their boundaries.
Apply it to parenting:
Children will push to the limit you set for them. My term of “limit” is when action starts and discipline begins to take place. If your limit is when your child begins kicking and screaming while thrashing on the floor, then you can pretty much expect that happen quite frequently. If your limit is the first defiant “NO!” then for the most part, that is as far as a temper tantrum will go. This is your responsibility as a parent. I’m not going to tell you where you need to “build your fence”. That’s up to you. I encourage you to keep in mind that children will rise to the standard you set. If you have high standards for them, it may take a little longer for those standards to be set in place, but after consistency, it will stick.
Public consistence is crucial. If you child knows that you are a softie at a restaurant or in front of your friends, then the second you step out of your fenced-in home atmosphere, they will feel free to break through those weak "public atmosphere" fences. The same rules, principles and boundaries should always apply in every place, circumstance and setting.

“Smart ranchers check their fences often”
Fences get damaged a lot. A routine part of ranching, is checking on the fences. Cows may look boring and stupid, but this Rancher was quick to tell me that it doesn’t take long for a cow to notice a broken fence and plow right through their escape route.
Storms play a huge factor in damaged fences. High winds may displace a once firmly set post. When a storm hits, the rancher does not spend all his time staring at the storm cloud, but quickly gets to work on how he can protect his cattle and his land.
Apply it to parenting:
We all have storms in our life. Stressful work situations, family issues, a locational move, or even a family illness or death. These storms can easily sway us from our firm and consistent parenting and cause our fences to move or even fall down. Watch and keep your parenting fences fresh and sturdy.

Happy ranching..err..parenting!