Boundaries

*A simple study was conducted to discover the effects of a fence around a playground and the consequent impact it would have on preschool children. Teachers were to take their children to a local playground in which there was no fence during their normal recess hour. The kids were to play as normal. The same group was to be taken to a comparable playground in which there was a defined border designated by a fence.
In the first scenario, the children remained huddled around their teacher, fearful of leaving out of her sight. The later scenario exhibited drastically different results, with the children feeling free to explore within the given boundaries.
The overwhelming conclusion was that with a given limitation, children felt safer to explore a playground. Without a fence, the children were not able to see a given boundary or limit and thus were more reluctant to leave the caregiver. With a boundary, in this case the fence, the children felt at ease
to explore the space. They were able to separate from the caregiver and continue to develop in their sense of self while still recognizing that they were in a safe environment within the limits of the fence.
* (above is from an online article)

Imagine a flat Texas prairie with tall wheat shifting in the wind. The hot air rushes past dried Mesquite trees and blows a wisp of hay from a nearby leaning bale. A few black cows are standing in the shade with mosquitoes buzzing around their eyes. The mixed smell of manure and fresh crops fill your nose with a strangely comforting aroma. Now turn your eyes to the fence. It could be a crickety picket fence that is just barely in place. Perhaps it’s an intimidating electrical barbed wire fence. Maybe you see solid wooden posts set securely in position. Any way you see it, it’s made to keep the cows inside and protected from the terrain beyond the fence. These fences seem inconvenient and pointless to the cows because they have no idea what kind of trouble they could get into past the boundary. Perhaps there is nearby raging river rapid or a steep cliff drop-off. Whatever it may be, the point is that the rancher is protecting the cows.

Now, I would never refer any child to an animal, so please don’t read this and compare your precious one to a slobbery cow. I am simply taking some invaluable information and applying it to parenting. You might be surprised at just how much we can learn from these cows. I asked a local Rancher to tell me everything he could about fences, boundaries and cattle behavior. Here are some key points I want to touch on.

“Before I let the cows in the field, I make sure my fence is secure”
Parenting can begin before your child is even conceived. You can begin to determine the standards and principles on how you want your child raised.

“The first thing cows do when placed in a new environment is check the fences.”
The cows literally walk the entire fence line to see exactly what they are up against and how much space they have to move around in. If the cow discovers a weakness or gap in the fence, she would probably go ahead and walk right through it. This is why a lot of ranchers these days have electric fences that send just enough shock and pain to the cow that they remember not to push their boundaries.
Apply it to parenting:
Children will push to the limit you set for them. My term of “limit” is when action starts and discipline begins to take place. If your limit is when your child begins kicking and screaming while thrashing on the floor, then you can pretty much expect that happen quite frequently. If your limit is the first defiant “NO!” then for the most part, that is as far as a temper tantrum will go. This is your responsibility as a parent. I’m not going to tell you where you need to “build your fence”. That’s up to you. I encourage you to keep in mind that children will rise to the standard you set. If you have high standards for them, it may take a little longer for those standards to be set in place, but after consistency, it will stick.
Public consistence is crucial. If you child knows that you are a softie at a restaurant or in front of your friends, then the second you step out of your fenced-in home atmosphere, they will feel free to break through those weak "public atmosphere" fences. The same rules, principles and boundaries should always apply in every place, circumstance and setting.

“Smart ranchers check their fences often”
Fences get damaged a lot. A routine part of ranching, is checking on the fences. Cows may look boring and stupid, but this Rancher was quick to tell me that it doesn’t take long for a cow to notice a broken fence and plow right through their escape route.
Storms play a huge factor in damaged fences. High winds may displace a once firmly set post. When a storm hits, the rancher does not spend all his time staring at the storm cloud, but quickly gets to work on how he can protect his cattle and his land.
Apply it to parenting:
We all have storms in our life. Stressful work situations, family issues, a locational move, or even a family illness or death. These storms can easily sway us from our firm and consistent parenting and cause our fences to move or even fall down. Watch and keep your parenting fences fresh and sturdy.

Happy ranching..err..parenting!

Sarah

I met a precious friend about 6 years ago on a cool, crisp fall evening. Her fiance and Thomas were close friends at the time, but us girls hadn't met yet. The minute I met her-let's call her Sarah- I knew we would be dear friends. Sarah was the most genuine, joyful and absolute sweetest girl I had ever met. Her laughter was contagious and her smile could light up the room. She could tell a simple story with such passion and glee. Tender encouragement was always coming out of her mouth. I was so intrigued by this young girl, only a year or two older than me, and longed to have a deeper friendship with her. We didn't live close, so our friendships stayed at the "let's keep in touch" level.

Three years or so later, Thomas and I met up again with this precious couple. We met for breakfast one morning, and as we began talking, I started noticing something about Sarah. She was talking happily and smiling, but something was strangely different. Her guard was up. Her smile seemed too thought out. I noticed she chose her words very carefully during our conversations. I could see hurt behind her eyes and her smile was masking what I discerned was....pain.

As we finished up our small talk about children, ministry, family, etc, we started asking more questions. How were they doing? What they shared next truly broke my heart.

Sarah had just come out of a very tough season. Several women in their church began to confront her about her personality. They just plain didn't like her. Whether it was triggered from vicious gossip, jealousy or anger, it didn't matter. When Sarah asked what she was doing that was offensive, they just beat around the bush. The only thing they ever specifically put their finger on was this: Sarah smiled too much.

After hearing that, I was ready to fly to their hometown and slap some ladies for their cruelty to this precious gem! If they only knew the damage they caused to her heart. The Lord had given her such a unique, beautiful spirit and someone had the nerve to try to subdue that. Thankfully, Sarah's heart and ears turned toward what her Father had to say. She walked in forgiveness and moved on. I've seen her once since that breakfast conversation and her smile is back. Her real smile. I can see that protective shell around her heart has broken away, and once again she walks in joy and genuine passion that never should have been abused.

Why that story?

I hadn't thought about Sarah's story in awhile, but yesterday the Lord put it on my heart and started speaking to me about it.

I've heard my Pastor talk about the church being "one body." In a body, there are hundreds of parts. Feet, hands, eyes, and even armpits! A church filled with feet would not be effective. A church full of eyes would go nowhere.

Think of all the Pastors, Teachers, Preachers, Speakers and Ministers you know. What vast personalities! Benny Hinn, Lisa Bevere, Billy Graham, Kay Arthur, Joyce Meyers, Joel Osteen. Bold, bubbly, humble, tender, direct, gentle.

God created you unique. You will not be like anyone else. Some people may not like you for who you are. Some may try to intimidate you to try to change your personality. A mentor of mine told me once that "...even Jesus got criticism and He was perfect. It is only when we meditate on the criticism that it becomes a problem. If we are quick to give it to Jesus and let Him teach us what to learn from it, we remain tender. Some criticism, even if we don't like the instrument, is for our growth. Other times, it is from the enemy to harden our hearts. Taking it to Him and letting Him sort it out is the only healthy way to deal with it."

What wisdom!

Grow where you need to grow, be open to correction, but be free to be who He created you to be. Guard your actions and your spirit from tearing down someone just because they aren't like you. Listen to what your Father has to say about you or another person. That's really all that matters anyways.

Hope this stirs your spirit! It does mine! :)

Be blessed.

BOWS EVERYWHERE!!

Well, if we are friends at all, then you already know about my newfound hobby! :)
BOWS BOWS BOWS BOWS!!!

On a whim, one Sunday afternoon, I opened up YouTube and searched "How to make a Hair Bow". I watched it once, headed to Hobby Lobby the next morning, and haven't stopped since.
I've discovered the breath-holding moments of trying to tie the thin embroidery thread just right, the burn of hot glue sticking to my finger and the giddy excitement of finding my favorite ribbon is plentifully stocked and ON SALE!
At first I wasn't sure how to start! I knew this was something that I enjoyed, and knew that the demand for quality & affordable bows is high, but I felt a little frazzled about where to begin. After settling on starting with a Facebook page and Etsy.com, I have been very pleased with the results. A friend told me to avoid eBay because of the billions of products available for dirt cheap and sneaky fees they attach after your item sells. Etsy hasn't had any selling action yet, so not sure how long I'll stick with that. Facebook, surprisingly, and word-of-mouth have been the easiest and most effective tools in selling my bows. I've sold several to friends, out of town and local, and recently a local high school cheerleading group placed an order to match their cheer attire. That's gonna be a fun and BIG project!

My encouragement for YOU: Don't hold back on any dreams you have! It could be photography, painting, jewelry-making, writing, singing, teaching or baking. Your unique talent may bring in thousands of dollars, or be an incredible encouragement and inspiriation to those you reach.

Be blessed!