i need a change....stat!

I seriously don't know how much longer I can deal with this. My typical day usually started with a "to do" list of all the things I would get done that day. And I would get them ALL done. Laundry. Dishes. Grocery Store. Thank you cards. Work. House cleaning. Phone calls. I would end my day with a clean home, a well fed family and a day filled with stuff "that got DONE!"
Other than my laundry accomplishment yesterday, I haven't been able to get ANYTHING done in way too long. I hate asking Thomas to do everything. And I really try to have him do the bare minimum. Change Aaron's diaper every few hours. Clean up the dried yogurt from the kitchen floor. Run out to the store for "just a few things".
But I am getting to the point where I feel so annoyed because I am stuck on the couch trying everything in my willpower not to throw up the Boost drink I just had and leaving my husband to do everything I SHOULD BE doing! I hate this. I hate watching TV all day. I hate it. I am so stuck in this emotional rut today. I go from being frustrated to bawling my eyes out.
I'm not blogging this to send a message that I need anything from anyone...it's mainly just to fume. I know I can call on any of my amazing friends and family and they would be here in a heartbeat. I just hate that I can't do what needs to be done.

I've lost a stinkin 18 pounds with my Dr. telling me if I lose another 3lbs by Wednesday, he is putting back in the hospital. I will NOT go back there! It does no good! I am not going to eat any more THERE than I would here. Seriously, if I COULD eat, I WOULD! Right now, if I try anything heavier than a bagel with cream cheese it ends up in the toilet. I am not scared of gaining weight. I would gain 80lbs in a heartbeat if I could just feel better! So I decided that I would wear my heaviest clothes to the next appt (jeans, sweater, belt, boots, heavy change in my pockets....) and chug as much gatorade as humanly possible right before I hit the scale. Yep. I'll cheat!! I am taking all my vitamins, drinking protein drinks, and keeping down as many calories and fat as I can...just not gaining weight yet.

.....I really am thankful that all this is eventually going to turn into an amazing blessing for our family. A sweet baby! I am thankful to be pregnant. I know that's a HUGE thing and some people wait years just to be expecting! But this is where I am at right now. I'm just really having a hard time....